literature

Phan - Beautiful Boy (Request 34)

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Literature Text

Requested by Anonymous

Dan's POV


I never thought this would happen. I was always so content living in the moment, I never could've imagined...

But here I was, in the middle of a frozen room with Phil cradled in my arms as I screamed.

There was no one around, I knew that much. Screaming was practically useless, but I prayed a neighbour would hear me. 

I had come home late, calling out for Phil. The apartment was quiet as I searched for him. I trudged up the stairs, my feet heavy in the shoes I'd had on all day. I wanted to greet my flat-mate before I made myself comfortable, just in case he wanted to go out for dinner or something.

I turned the corner down the hall and knocked on the bathroom door "Phil, Are you in there?" I called. I got no reply.

I could hear something in there, but I couldn't figure out what it was. It sounded almost like faraway static. 

My hand was steady until I opened the door.

On the floor was Phil, his glassy eyes open as he stared into a different plane of existence. His skin was tinged blue, and smears of red coated his shirt.

Actually, smears of red coated everything.

"Phil" I whispered...unsure what to do, hoping he would spring back up and do something, yell out 'I was joking'...

I fell to my knees, finding the source of the static as I did so. His iPod headphones hung from his ears, loud music spewing into the ears that couldn't hear it anymore.

I couldn't bear to look at the trenches that he'd dug into his arms. They burned my eyes as I took in just how real this whole situation was.

I crept closer to him and pulled him into my arms, his limp head falling into my chest. I never thought I'd have to conduct the cliché that was closing the dead's eyes, yet here I was.

The whole world seemed to implode as I held the icicle of my best friend, kissing his forehead lightly.

It was only now that I began to scream.


***


It's been three weeks.

I still can't bring myself to say his name without crying. I can't bear to walk into his room. We've already had the funeral. It didn't surprise anyone when I told them that I had loved Phil for a long time. It seemed to be common knowledge.

I had avoided everyone at the reception. Most people went across the way to a destination designated for the 'celebration of Phil's life'. Me? I did what I would have done in any other situation. I sat with my best friend, my head leaned on his polished tombstone.

I couldn't face his parents. If I'd come home earlier, I could have saved him.

I wished I could rewind.

I sat and talked to him after the burial.

"Phil" I'd said "I wish I'd said all these things to you earlier...You were my reason for doing anything. You made me wake up. You were my reason for making videos. you made me laugh, you made me smile...I never realised how perfect your screen name was for you. You really were Amazing, Phil. I love you, you know?" I said to the closed casket. 

My face turned down to stare at the white roses on the mound of fresh soil. they were almost the same colour as the carpet in his bedroom. I almost went to turn around just in case I'd see him sitting on his green and blue bed. I refused to let myself, though, knowing it would hurt more when I turned around to find nothing there.

Everything in me ached as I remembered all the fun times we'd had. His laugh echoed in my ears, his smile, permanently etched into the back of my eyelids.

"Phil...I need you" I sniffed, tears falling to the grass.

I sat with him for hours, talking to him like he could hear me.

But soon, it came time for me to do the hardest thing I've ever had to do.

I stood up and I said goodbye to my best friend.
IM SORRY CELLMATES!

I KNOW, YOU'RE ALL GOING TO KILL ME. I'M HURTING TOO BECAUSE I WROTE THIS.

I tried to keep it non-descript because of how much the thought hurt me too! But hey, we'll be okay, right? It's just fiction!
//HUGS ALL OF YOU//

I'm gonna go cry forever now because of the images in my head.

Red-Cell, Out
© 2014 - 2024 Red-Cell224
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inanautumndaze's avatar
this is... incredible. really well written <33
now if you'll excuse me, i'm going to go cry for an hour *sobs*